Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
