dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
