I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
