I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
