I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
