am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
