his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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