Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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