i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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