Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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