Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
