I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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