I didn't shave. On purpose
you traded sex for a burrito?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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