Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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