i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
