If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
