his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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