My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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