My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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