If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
