i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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