He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
