There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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