Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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