***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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