Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
