In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
