Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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