make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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