I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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