I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
