You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
