my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
