Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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