Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize