I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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