Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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