How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
