dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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