Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
