I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
