Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
