90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
