It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
