I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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