i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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