i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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