i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
