I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
