I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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