You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
