I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
