she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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