so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
