Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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